Why Ain't I Runnin?
by ThickerThanBlood
Summary: Skate songfic. Why Ain't I Runnin by Garth Brooks. Sawyer reflects on his feelings for Kate.


I own nothing. Not the characters from Lost, not the song. Garth Brooks owns the song.

* * *

Why Ain't I Runnin? 

The people started to stir, but I didn't care. I pulled her back tighter to my chest and inhaled her scent deeply, never wanting to forget any detail of the night before. As I pressed a line of kisses down her naked shoulder, I still couldn't believe what had happened.

_I can hear that highway callin',  
As I watch the sunrise crawlin' across her shoulder.  
This is usually goodbye,  
An' yet those words I just can't find as I hold her.  
Oh, she's like no other woman that I have known before.  
And it ain't me to see the morning sun from this side of the door. _

I watched, unable to deny the anger and jealousy as the doc sat next to Freckles around the fire. I was just about to do the same thing, myself. They seemed friendly, maybe a little bit more as he made her laugh and she placed a hand on his arm for a fleeting moment. I couldn't watch after that, but stormed inside my secluded tent to fume by myself.

I had calmed down by reading my book when I heard the door rustle. She entered without a word, and her back was to me as she gently set the door right again. I stood, and she turned to face me, trying to wipe the tears from her face. My heart might have broke right there, if she hadn't already broken it before.

"Kate…" I whispered, and she pressed one hand to her mouth, as if to keep herself from crying out, and held the other up to silence me. She still refused to meet my eyes. I stepped into her, gingerly touching her shoulders. Tilting her chin up to meet my eyes, I could see the loneliness in her. She set her cheek on my chest and wrapped her arms around my waist. I'm sure she heard my heart pounding as if I was being chased by bulls. I squeezed her to me, relishing the contact, until she pulled away.

"What is it?" I asked, still in a whisper. It felt like anything louder than that would've shattered the moment. She shook her head and leaned up to kiss my lips gently. I gently pushed her away. The action surprised both of us, but I guess there was a nobility in me, after all, and Kate just seemed to draw it out.

"Kate, I can't let you-" I was about to say I can't let you do this when you're so emotional, but she pulled me to her more forcefully, kissing me with passion that surpassed even what I'd felt for her. Her taste reminded me of that day in the jungle, but she was hesitant then, reluctant. Now, wild horses couldn't keep her from me. I lifted her up, and she wrapped her legs around my waist. My deprived body reacted instantly, and my mind spun with the perfection of the moment, besides not knowing the reason for her tears.

We toppled onto my cot, and shirts were tossed off, it happened so quickly I can't even remember. But I wanted to relish every second of being with her, so I kissed her face softly, and her neck. She tangled her fingers in my hair, and I bit on her lower lip. She gasped a little then grinned evilly and wrapped her legs tightly about my waist again.

_Why ain't I runnin'?  
Why ain't I gone?  
An' how does she hold me,  
Without holding on?  
In love or a fight, she's stronger than strong.  
Something's not right, if there ain't nothing wrong.  
It's got me wondering, why ain't I running?  
Why ain't I gone? _

It was so dark, her hair, a deep mahogany that reminded me of cozy Christmases in front of the fire. I ran my hand over it, splayed over the cot, and wondered why I couldn't have found her earlier.

She moaned in waking, and I smiled. I rolled her onto her back and pressed myself over her, kissing her chest and the hollow of her neck.

"Sawyer?" She questioned, as if it took her a moment to realize just where she was.

"Yeah, babe, it's me." I chuckled, and Kate pressed her hands to her eyes. She looked up at me, then, and didn't give me the slightest indication of what she was thinking. "Good morning." I offered unsurely, and obtained a grin from her. She leaned up to press a kiss to the corner of my mouth, and another square on my lips. I kissed her back hard, not expecting a single kiss to elicit such a reaction from my body. But I should've realized hours ago that I had no idea what to expect when she was around.

_All those worlds I left behind me,  
Praying they would never find me in my freedom.  
But if they stood right here beside me,  
They would never recognize me for all that she's done.  
Oh, once happiness was only whenever I was on my own.  
So now why do I feel lonely any time that I'm alone. _

The night before, jeans and underclothes were shed with a fevered passion, but in the morning, I kissed her from head to toe. Memorized every detail of her perfect body. I whispered things in her ear, and she laughed and ran her hands along my skin. I felt a change in me that was both terrifying and refreshing at the same time. Kate, she kept me on my toes, kept me guessing. She refused to resign to my charm and constant come ons. She made me earn it.

_Why ain't I runnin'?  
Why ain't I gone?  
An' how does she hold me,  
Without holding on?  
In love or a fight, she's stronger than strong.  
Something's not right, if there ain't nothing wrong.  
It's got me wondering, why ain't I running?  
Why ain't I gone? _

I ran a gentle touch over her forehead and her hair, and an amused smile resided on her perfect lips. "What?" I asked, feigning annoyance, but the grin gave me away.

"I've never seen that look on your face before." She admitted, wrapping her slender arms around my shoulders to pull me tighter on top of her.

"What look?" I asked naively.

"I can't describe it."

"I can." I replied after a moment's hesitation. We both knew it was love, but we were too afraid to say it out loud.

_No, they've never built a wall that high,  
Or made a chain that strong.  
And God ain't never made a place,  
I felt like I belong. _

We'd drifted into sleep again after taking lunch in my tent. My head rested on her shoulder and she played unconsciously with tangled strands of my hair. There was a sense of camaraderie that enveloped us unexpectedly. We shared more than just a haunted past, now. We could stick together, talk to each other.

Kate, she just knew, you know? I didn't have to say it. She knew what I had gone through, because she had gone through something like it, too, and could understand what I was feeling. And vice versa. Kate sympathized with the stupid things I do, understood why I pushed everyone away by being a dick. She knew me so well, it was scary. But I loved it. I just wanted to know everything about her, too. I wanted her to feel this friendship and completeness that she gave me.

"Why were you crying, Kate?" I asked suddenly. It had been eating at me all morning. She hesitated to answer, and her fingers stilled in my hair.

"I realized how alone I was. How absolutely alone we all are." Kate replied despondently, and I looked up at her. She stared off at nothing, and I hoisted myself up to kiss her face.

"You're not alone anymore. I'll never leave you." The moment the sentence left my lips, a new feeling clenched my heart, and I fought hard not to gasp for breath. My pulse raced, anticipating her reaction to my unexpected declaration. Kate just smiled and leaned up to press a kiss to my lips.

_Why ain't I runnin'?  
Why ain't I gone?  
An' how does she hold me,  
Without holding on?  
In love or a fight, she's stronger than strong.  
Something's not right, if there ain't nothing wrong.  
It's got me wondering, why ain't I running?  
Why ain't I gone_

She looked so melancholy and beautiful all I wanted was to touch her. Not even kiss her, nothing sexual, just touch her face. Let my fingers trace her lips, her thick eyelashes.

She was walking down the beach in a slow, meandering, I don't know where I'm going but I can't keep still kind of way. Her back was to me, but I could almost see the expression on her face. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she stared at her feet as she walked. She'd fallen into one of her sad days again.

I left Charlie, Claire and the baby by the fire, and mumbled something about fruit for explanation as I walked away. She had stopped walking by the time I reached her, though she still was faced away from camp. I slid my arms around her waist, but she did not jump as I expected her to.

"Did you know I was comin?"

"I hoped you were."

* * *

The only Skate story I've ever written. I'm a Jater to the core, but this song just made me think of Sawyer and Kate, so, an idea was born. 

Thanks for reading. El Fin!

Aleks


End file.
